Sunday, March 22, 2015

The World's Stupidest Cat

In case we have never met, I need to tell you up front that I hate cats. I. Hate. Cats.

So the fact that I took a photo of a cat and actually posted it on this blog is monumental. That I will eventually use this cat as a metaphor is even more surprising.

I'd like to introduce you to the world's stupidest cat. His/her (I haven't bothered to look) qualifications for this designation are many and include:

- Thinking that I will pet it.
- Thinking that I will feed it.
- Thinking that I will love it or have any affection for it at all.
- Thinking that I will let it in my home (at least on purpose).



Here he is. I will pause now for several annoying readers to say awwwww and do some baby talk about the world's stupidest cat.

[pause]

So even though I refuse to allow myself or anyone else in the family to pet it, feed it, have affection for it, or let it in the house, the world's stupidest cat continues to spend hours sitting outside my door staring in at us. He has slipped into the house several times, only to be tossed back out the door immediately. And yet he stays.

[Note: I may be a cat-hating monster but I am not completely heartless. This cat can have food, shelter and companionship in the barn with the other barn cats. Alas, he is stupid.]

So what is the motivation for this cat? We have done nothing to welcome him, yet he persists. We have rejected him at every turn, and yet he returns. All of the other cats are content to hang out in the barn and eat rodents and cat food. So what is wrong with this dumb cat?

This darn stupidest cat in the world has me thinking... What windows are we pitifully staring through. Are we trying to be friends with people who keep rejecting us? Are we trying to get someone to love us who never will?

While all of our friends are content with what is normal and expected, are we crazy or brave to be on our own hoping for more?

What about you? Are you sitting there waiting for someone's heart to grow? And does that make you stupid?








Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Uptown Funk You Out


Do you know a man? I mean a MAN. The kind of guy who has rough hands and when they slide down your silk blouse, they feel so rugged and it it makes you feel like you just want to...  WAIT. Sorry. Where was I?

Ok, so you have a man. And he smells. Bad. And his laundry is funky. Never fear, I am here to tell you about a great product called Funk-Out.

I have written about Funk-Out before and when the good folks there asked me if I would like to try their new improved formula, I said FUNK YEAH! (Disclosure of product gratis.)

We have a rug right inside the back door that captures Husband coming in with his very funky work boots, hosts the kids coming in with whatever athletic footware they want to kick off, and sometimes plays temporary home to the world's stupidest cat (more on him another time). You may not be surprised to hear that this rug is frequently funky. So I was really excited to try the Funk-Out Odor Eliminator Deodorizing Spray.

I just sprayed some of this miracle stuff at the rug. And then nothing. The rug smelled like NOTHING. Girls hit your hallelujah (whoo).




I can't tell you how great it is to have the Funk-Out Odor Eliminator Laundry Concentrate for the many times Husband's laundry starts funky or gets funky because it wasn't dried right away.

And I am hoping to take their word for this and NEVER find out for myself, but the new Funk-Out is supposed to eliminate skunk odor too. I feel so good having this on hand, because the night (I know it's coming) that Husband gets sprayed by a skunk outside the pig pen at 3 a.m. neither of us are going to be in the mood to drive 20 minutes to an all-night pharmacy for supplies.

So check out Funk-Out. You can see my testimonial on the website!

Say what?


My product review policy.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Spring pigs

It's no secret that I am a fair weather farmer. So on this warm, sunny Sunday I was glad to get out of the house and check out our spring pigs.

Husband needed to ear notch some piglets. To do this, he uses something similar to a single hole punch to add notches to their ears. This serves as their identification. The right ear tells their litter number and the left ear tells which pig they were in the litter, so the third pig in the 38th litter would be 38-3 in our record books and have the corresponding notches in his/her ear, like a secret farmer code.


Morgan is holding a piglet that does NOT have ear notches yet. The pig below had his done about a week ago.




Listening to the little pigs grunting and running around outside in their pen with their mothers is so wonderful this time of year. Also wonderful: listening to my two sons grunting while they shovel manure, leaving me only with the the job of filling out the record book.


Thursday, February 26, 2015

Guy Reads

It has been a long time since I did a "Guy Reads" post, but this story just cried out to be shared with you and with Husband. 

Guy (that's my nickname for my husband) doesn't bother with too many pages of the newspaper that don't contain box scores. I do what I can to keep him abreast of pressing agricultural issues, which means it's time for another installment of Guy Reads, the exciting segment where I share with you the news items I clip (or link) from the media for my husband.

From our local TV and newspaper conglomerate Cox Media comes the story of a farmer from north of Dayton who saved his near-frozen baby goat by putting him the in oven. In. The. Oven. See video below.






I'm actually afraid to have Husband see this. He already keeps pig medicine in the refrigerator, dirty gloves in the kitchen, rubber boots by the back door, dirty stained farm records on his desk and untold amounts of straw on my floors. I don't want him to think that he can now start putting livestock in my oven.



UPDATE: A sad ending. The goat does not make it through the night.





Saturday, February 21, 2015

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Helping with Harvest

We are wrapping up harvest on the farm.

Morgan and her cousin were excited to help gather up some of the corn left in the field.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

The Valley Recap: You Owe Me Big Time (S1:E8)

Welcome back to the FINALE! If you missed my previous recaps of The Valley, be sure to check them out.

The Valley is a Dayton-produced reality show: Everyone has something to prove. So what’s your story?

The cast includes:
Ally –  Sings on stage
Chris – Surprisingly bad at Wipe-Out
Stephanie – Makes up with Ally
Donald –  Spits some
Alexys –  Exchanges gifts with Ally
Nathan – Underestimates

Last episode, Stephanie and Donald flirted at The Beach Waterpark, the cool white kids went to the Dayton Mall, Alexys talked about being bullied in high school.

Theme song :  “Do you have what it takes?” To sit through the finale? To kiss an alpaca?

First adventure: JD Legends
Ally sings two original songs for the crowd.

Nathan: “I really underestimated her singing skills. Like always, I underestimate.”

Alexys: “I imagined her songs as Alpaca, Happy, Love. And Ding, ding, ding.”


Second adventure: Milano’s (again)
Cool white kids, Chris, Ally and Alexys hang out.

Chris talks about his mud run.

They talk about Ally’s on and off relationship with Cory, the boyfriend. Like we were supposed to know. We didn’t know.


Third adventure: Razdabar Recording Studio
Don B meets his mentor, Moe Beats. I did not make that up, but I kinda wish I did.

Donald wants to get into the rap game.

Moe: You can “spit some” if you want to.

Don B: Spits some





Fourth Adventure: Ohio State Fair
Really, they go to COLUMBUS.  Of course, none of them have ever been to the Ohio State Fair before.

They hit the petting zoo. Ally fed an alpaca with her mouth. This is oddly cathartic--like we wrapped up a story line from the very first episode.


Nathan: “Ally was kinda kissing the alpaca. It was kinda gross but who am I to judge.” Because I live in a house that smells like dog.

Thanks, producers, for the banjo music accompaniment to their visit to the fair. They didn't even visit the farm part. We were there so much; we could have been in the background if they had just visited the hog barn!

They play a Wipe-Out game on the midway. Surprisingly, Alexys and Nathan are the finalists.


Fifth Adventure: Ally’s house
Cool white kids gather to say goodbye

Ally and Alexys exchange gifts. They gave each other the same framed picture and some other things, which they don’t show the camera.

Nathan, Stephanie and Donald don't get to say goodbye. It's cool. Don B and Stephanie have each other. And Nathan will soon be welcomed into the warm, non-judgmental embrace of Cincinnati.

Alexys: I met some people I will stay in touch with for the rest of my life and some that I won’t.

Sniff.

Unresolved items: Don B and Stephanie hooking up? Nathan coming out to DeGraff? Airing of Chris’s PSA? Alexys’s Mom hooking up with Johnny?

Don’t worry. The genius producers of this show are already recruiting for Season 2! So many more things to do in Cincinnati, right?


Thanks to everyone who stuck with me each week. And thanks to Daytons CW for producing a fun and highly mock-able show. See ya next season!