Rejected by Nancy Cartwright

Every two years the nationally renowned Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop is held here in Dayton. The event typically sells out in hours, but one way to gain entry is to enter the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition--there is even a category for local writers.

Several of my local friends who are great bloggers and hilarious Facebook commenters have been talking smack about winning this thing since we were all shut out two years ago by booger stories.

Nancy Cartwright, Dayton native and the the voice of Bart Simpson, judged the finalists this year. Apparently, she did not like my entry.

Recently, famous blogger and author Jenny Lawson shared an article she had written that was rejected by Oprah's magazine. So, inspired by her, I will share my article that I'm sure made it all the way to Nancy [it did not] and then was rejected for not being about boogers or port-a-johns.

Check out "All the Dreeds of Pigs" in a future post on this blog.

UPDATED: Dear Grocery Store

I REALLY hate going to the grocery.  I have documented it well.

So I am going to start something (that I will probably abandon later) called Dear Grocery Store. 


Dear Grocery Store,

Font size matters.

Here are some craptastic fairly OK photos I took at your store. I appreciate that you are trying to let us know that the lettuce you sell is listeria-free and not from the Springfield Dole plant. BUT you may have wanted to put "Our Dole salads are not" in the larger text.

Just a suggestion.

Love,
Holly

Snapshots on the Farm

Getting the pigs ready for our county fair includes nightly walks in the pasture.

And the Cow Said, "Hmmm"

Once upon a time these cows were very happy to stay in their new pasture lot and then this happened:

Driving down the lane two nights ago...

Me: This lot has been empty for a while, I am surprised the fence is still good enough to keep these cows in for the last week or so.

Husband: Well, the fence isn't really that great. But they have stayed in there so far... 

Cows: Hmmmm

The very next morning one heifer had escaped. This morning the other two were eating grass in the front yard.

Farm wife tip: NEVER question the fence.

Snapshots on the Farm

Starting off summer with Ayrshire dairy females grazing in the lot by our driveway. Our family used to milk Ayrshires but we now just keep a few on hand for 4-H projects.

Who needs a haircut? Claude' is BACK!

Ladies, hold on to your blinged out boots, international pig clipping man of mystery, Claude'**, is back in town just in time to lend his expertise in the lead-up to our annual pig auction. 

I can't believe its been five years since we first revealed our affiliation with Claude'. We had been trying to keep his participation in our pig grooming process a secret, but due to his fame and popularity, it was difficult to keep from including him here.

Over the years, Claude' has been particularly camera shy.

It's understandable, due to the enormous recognition he has in the pig grooming community. However, this year he wanted me to be sure to share the following photos of Justin learning how to clip pigs himself.

Aside from his incredible flair for pig grooming, what we love the most about Claude' is his interest in teaching his craft to young people. Earlier he taught Ryan how to clip pigs and this year he took Justin under his wing.

Ladies, I will try to get some more photos of Claude' in action during our pig sale. We only have him a few more days until he heads out to his next international assignment, but YOU can purchase one of his famously groomed pigs at our auction on April 25 at the Preble County Fairgrounds.


**Claude' is not his real name. His credentials and much of this blog post may have been exaggerated.

The World's Stupidest Cat

In case we have never met, I need to tell you up front that I hate cats. I. Hate. Cats.

So the fact that I took a photo of a cat and actually posted it on this blog is monumental. That I will eventually use this cat as a metaphor is even more surprising.

I'd like to introduce you to the world's stupidest cat. His/her (I haven't bothered to look) qualifications for this designation are many and include:

- Thinking that I will pet it.
- Thinking that I will feed it.
- Thinking that I will love it or have any affection for it at all.
- Thinking that I will let it in my home (at least on purpose).

Here he is. I will pause now for several annoying readers to say awwwww and do some baby talk about the world's stupidest cat.

[pause]

So even though I refuse to allow myself or anyone else in the family to pet it, feed it, have affection for it, or let it in the house, the world's stupidest cat continues to spend hours sitting outside my door staring in at us. He has slipped into the house several times, only to be tossed back out the door immediately. And yet he stays.

[Note: I may be a cat-hating monster but I am not completely heartless. This cat can have food, shelter and companionship in the barn with the other barn cats. Alas, he is stupid.]

So what is the motivation for this cat? We have done nothing to welcome him, yet he persists. We have rejected him at every turn, and yet he returns. All of the other cats are content to hang out in the barn and eat rodents and cat food. So what is wrong with this dumb cat?

This darn stupidest cat in the world has me thinking... What windows are we pitifully staring through. Are we trying to be friends with people who keep rejecting us? Are we trying to get someone to love us who never will?

While all of our friends are content with what is normal and expected, are we crazy or brave to be on our own hoping for more?

What about you? Are you sitting there waiting for someone's heart to grow? And does that make you stupid?