Monday, January 8, 2018

Rabies in Aisle 5

This week I went to The Little Clinic for a urinary tract infection. WOAH! I haven't blogged for years and then my first sentence back is about my down there infection. Yes. Yes, it is.

If you aren't familiar, The Little Clinic is a small clinic inside a Kroger grocery store. They have a nurse practitioner on hand who can diagnose and treat basic ailments like ear infections, strep throat and apparently, down there infections.

I had plenty of time to read their rotating sign of services and I was surprised to see they were taking on some things that seemed way beyond the scope of what you would want to medically deal with inside of a grocery store. Apparently, after just 20 minutes with a nurse practitioner next to the frozen food, you too can be treated for depression, osteoporosis, smoking cessation and Japanese Encephalitis, an actual vaccine you can get inside the grocery, in Ohio.

The Little Clinic has a VERY small waiting area, so many patients were spilling out to the grocery aisle to sniffle and groan. They also did not have their own bathroom. So the lady with the down there infection had to walk past the frozen food, past the deli and back to the waiting area with her cup of urine discreetly inside a paper sack.

And when you are having all the fun of capturing lady urine in a grocery store bathroom, it does NOT HELP when your 44-year-old bladder suddenly becomes shy. Seriously, does any 44-year-old woman ever have to worry about trouble making urine. Making pee is a 44-year-old woman's super power. Take us on a car trip or make us laugh really hard, you'll see.

So. my tablespoon of pee collected and stored discreetly inside the paper sack, I had time to read the rotating sig... OMG DID THAT JUST SAY RABIES? Are there people inside the grocery store right now with RABIES waiting to be seen?

Good thing I had already peed ALL my pee.

It is true. I am not making this up. You can get treated for rabies in the grocery store. See it here on their list of services.

I am trying to imagine the thought process of a person who has just been bitten by an opossum who decides, well this Little Clinic office website only shows a 15 minute wait, so that seems good for rabies. So they start driving to the Kroger and checking, yep 15 minutes, OK 16 minutes, yeah 14 minutes and then gets to the kiosk and refreshes only to see WAIT TIME: 1 HOUR AND YOU DIED OF RABIES.

And here we thought all the rabid people were at Wal-Mart.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Rejected by Nancy Cartwright

Every two years the nationally renowned Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop is held here in Dayton. The event typically sells out in hours, but one way to gain entry is to enter the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition--there is even a category for local writers.

Several of my local friends who are great bloggers and hilarious Facebook commenters have been talking smack about winning this thing since we were all shut out two years ago by booger stories.

Nancy Cartwright, Dayton native and the the voice of Bart Simpson, judged the finalists this year. Apparently, she did not like my entry.

Recently, famous blogger and author Jenny Lawson shared an article she had written that was rejected by Oprah's magazine. So, inspired by her, I will share my article that I'm sure made it all the way to Nancy [it did not] and then was rejected for not being about boogers or port-a-johns.

Check out "All the Dreeds of Pigs" in a future post on this blog.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

UPDATED: Dear Grocery Store

I REALLY hate going to the grocery.  I have documented it well.

So I am going to start something (that I will probably abandon later) called Dear Grocery Store. 

Dear Grocery Store,

Font size matters.

Here are some craptastic fairly OK photos I took at your store. I appreciate that you are trying to let us know that the lettuce you sell is listeria-free and not from the Springfield Dole plant. BUT you may have wanted to put "Our Dole salads are not" in the larger text.

Just a suggestion.


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Monday, June 8, 2015

And the Cow Said, "Hmmm"

Once upon a time these cows were very happy to stay in their new pasture lot and then this happened:

Driving down the lane two nights ago...

Me: This lot has been empty for a while, I am surprised the fence is still good enough to keep these cows in for the last week or so.

Husband: Well, the fence isn't really that great. But they have stayed in there so far... 

Cows: Hmmmm

The very next morning one heifer had escaped. This morning the other two were eating grass in the front yard.

Farm wife tip: NEVER question the fence.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Snapshots on the Farm

Starting off summer with Ayrshire dairy females grazing in the lot by our driveway. Our family used to milk Ayrshires but we now just keep a few on hand for 4-H projects.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Who needs a haircut? Claude' is BACK!

Ladies, hold on to your blinged out boots, international pig clipping man of mystery, Claude'**, is back in town just in time to lend his expertise in the lead-up to our annual pig auction. 

I can't believe its been five years since we first revealed our affiliation with Claude'. We had been trying to keep his participation in our pig grooming process a secret, but due to his fame and popularity, it was difficult to keep from including him here.

Over the years, Claude' has been particularly camera shy.

It's understandable, due to the enormous recognition he has in the pig grooming community. However, this year he wanted me to be sure to share the following photos of Justin learning how to clip pigs himself.

Aside from his incredible flair for pig grooming, what we love the most about Claude' is his interest in teaching his craft to young people. Earlier he taught Ryan how to clip pigs and this year he took Justin under his wing.

Ladies, I will try to get some more photos of Claude' in action during our pig sale. We only have him a few more days until he heads out to his next international assignment, but YOU can purchase one of his famously groomed pigs at our auction on April 25 at the Preble County Fairgrounds.

**Claude' is not his real name. His credentials and much of this blog post may have been exaggerated.