Friday, February 28, 2020
Rabies in Aisle 5
This week I went to The Little Clinic for a urinary tract infection. WOAH! I haven't blogged for years and then my first sentence back is about my down there infection. Yes. Yes, it is.
If you aren't familiar, The Little Clinic is a small clinic inside a Kroger grocery store. They have a nurse practitioner on hand who can diagnose and treat basic ailments like ear infections, strep throat and apparently, down there infections.
I had plenty of time to read their rotating sign of services and I was surprised to see they were taking on some things that seemed way beyond the scope of what you would want to medically deal with inside of a grocery store. Apparently, after just 20 minutes with a nurse practitioner next to the frozen food, you too can be treated for depression, osteoporosis, smoking cessation and Japanese Encephalitis, an actual vaccine you can get inside the grocery, in Ohio.
The Little Clinic has a VERY small waiting area, so many patients were spilling out to the grocery aisle to sniffle and groan. They also did not have their own bathroom. So the lady with the down there infection had to walk past the frozen food, past the deli and back to the waiting area with her cup of urine discreetly inside a paper sack.
And when you are having all the fun of capturing lady urine in a grocery store bathroom, it does NOT HELP when your 44-year-old bladder suddenly becomes shy. Seriously, does any 44-year-old woman ever have to worry about trouble making urine. Making pee is a 44-year-old woman's super power. Take us on a car trip or make us laugh really hard, you'll see.
So. my tablespoon of pee collected and stored discreetly inside the paper sack, I had time to read the rotating sig... OMG DID THAT JUST SAY RABIES? Are there people inside the grocery store right now with RABIES waiting to be seen?
Good thing I had already peed ALL my pee.
It is true. I am not making this up. You can get treated for rabies in the grocery store. See it here on their list of services.
I am trying to imagine the thought process of a person who has just been bitten by an opossum who decides, well this Little Clinic office website only shows a 15 minute wait, so that seems good for rabies. So they start driving to the Kroger and checking, yep 15 minutes, OK 16 minutes, yeah 14 minutes and then gets to the kiosk and refreshes only to see WAIT TIME: 1 HOUR AND YOU DIED OF RABIES.
And here we thought all the rabid people were at Wal-Mart.
I entered a slightly edited-for-word-count version of this essay in the Erma Bombeck writing competition. While I was not a winner, I did make it to round 2 judging. Here is the feedback I received from the esteemed judging panel.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Appointment Pooping
NOTE: If you do not want to read about my healthy bowel movement, well too late you just did. I recently became you-better-get-a-colonosco...
-
Last weekend, in a brief moment of remote control ownership, I tuned into basic cable and saw a very disturbing show called "Rich Bride...
-
Good gravy (I have taken up saying this since Husband doesn't curse and I was the only one to blame for our household's junior potty...
-
Ladies, hold on to your blinged out boots, international pig clipping man of mystery, Claude'**, is back in town just in time to lend hi...
So glad you are blogging again! Hope you are feeling better "down there."
ReplyDeleteThanks for your blog. I just found it and you make me laugh! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteAn individual's lash as well as migrate are typically altered as well as improved effective to the phantasm ruby near the scholarship.Popcorn Machines
ReplyDeleteHi Friend!
ReplyDeleteLeeds escorts Have a great day!
Thanks for sharing We would like to let you know Farr Laboratories, LLC in the USA offers a wide variety of supplements designed to provide relief from bladder pain & keep it in good health. Visit us on tablets for bladder infection treatment
ReplyDeleteWhat a slick and exact article. The utilization of words is praiseworthy.
ReplyDeleteHardwood Flooring
aa
ReplyDeleteCurrently, many people likewise use very best shower room arm for style. The installation of the best item in your bathroom layout might give a luxury entice your bathroom. HarneyMFG
ReplyDeleteWhen you use a genuine service, you will be able to provide instructions, share materials and choose the formatting style. sửa nhà hà nội
ReplyDeleteThis decorative idea is the power of modern design in creating a beautiful home interior.read review
ReplyDeleteI agree with a lot of the points you made in this article. If you are looking for online medicine. I appreciate the work you have put into this and hope you continue writing on this subject.
ReplyDeleteI read that Post and got it fine and informative.
ReplyDeleteplumbing southend
We need more such articles that we can read with such enthusiasm.
ReplyDeletesouthend builders
There are online stores providing consultation for various needs, all you need to do is to visit their websites or call them and ask for suggestions on your specific requirement. There are many such stores in Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane where bunk beds are very popular. triple twin bunk bed
ReplyDeleteAll industrial centrifuges are originally manufactured for a specific application to be used in. plumbing services
ReplyDeleteWow, what an unexpected adventure at The Little Clinic! It's quite amusing how they handle diverse medical needs Invisible Text amidst grocery shopping. Your storytelling had me chuckling.
ReplyDelete