Saturday, February 7, 2009

Impregnated by Marketing

I've never met him (or her!) but someone at a mail list broker has impregnated me. Yes, call it the Im-mail-culate conception.

Let's be crystal clear: I AM NOT ACTUALLY PREGNANT. But yesterday I received a mailing from Pampers with a handy guide of what to pack for the hospital--complete with a free sample newborn diaper.

I laughed it off as a weird error until today when I received the Enfamil coupon. Oh my God, someone out there thinks I'm pregnant.

I'm not sure what to do. These mailings are not random, they have my full name and proper address. I guess they'll stop in nine months (?)

I'm racking my brain to think of what I could have done out there in the world of market research that would get my name added to the pregnant list. Maybe this is a joke and someone out there will read this post and see that they got me good.

I know lots of women my age are still having kids, but I have a nice scar in my belly button that proves I'm outta commission.

What will be next? Offers from Gerber? Pamphlets from La Leche? Am I going to have a daily piece of junk mail that is completely off the mark. What other lists am I on? Triathlete, scuba diver, stamp collector, hula instructor, perhaps.

When you think about it, these largely unknown list-keepers control a lot of what you know and who reaches you. Think of the power. With a touch of a button they can mark you as old, diseased, gullible, health conscious, rich. Apparently, they can even impregnate you.

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