Welcome back to the FINALE! If you missed my previous recaps of The Valley, be sure to check them out.
The Valley is a Dayton-produced reality show: Everyone has something to prove. So what’s your story?
The cast includes:
Ally – Sings on stage
Chris – Surprisingly bad at Wipe-Out
Stephanie – Makes up with Ally
Donald – Spits some
Alexys – Exchanges gifts with Ally
Nathan – Underestimates
Last episode, Stephanie and Donald flirted at The Beach Waterpark, the cool white kids went to the Dayton Mall, Alexys talked about being bullied in high school.
Theme song : “Do you have what it takes?” To sit through the finale? To kiss an alpaca?
First adventure: JD Legends
Ally sings two original songs for the crowd.
Nathan: “I really underestimated her singing skills. Like always, I underestimate.”
Alexys: “I imagined her songs as Alpaca, Happy, Love. And Ding, ding, ding.”
Second adventure: Milano’s (again)
Cool white kids, Chris, Ally and Alexys hang out.
Chris talks about his mud run.
They talk about Ally’s on and off relationship with Cory, the boyfriend. Like we were supposed to know. We didn’t know.
Third adventure: Razdabar Recording Studio
Don B meets his mentor, Moe Beats. I did not make that up, but I kinda wish I did.
Donald wants to get into the rap game.
Moe: You can “spit some” if you want to.
Don B: Spits some
Fourth Adventure: Ohio State Fair
Really, they go to COLUMBUS. Of course, none of them have ever been to the Ohio State Fair before.
They hit the petting zoo. Ally fed an alpaca with her mouth. This is oddly cathartic--like we wrapped up a story line from the very first episode.
Nathan: “Ally was kinda kissing the alpaca. It was kinda gross but who am I to judge.” Because I live in a house that smells like dog.
Thanks, producers, for the banjo music accompaniment to their visit to the fair. They didn't even visit the farm part. We were there so much; we could have been in the background if they had just visited the hog barn!
They play a Wipe-Out game on the midway. Surprisingly, Alexys and Nathan are the finalists.
Fifth Adventure: Ally’s house
Cool white kids gather to say goodbye
Ally and Alexys exchange gifts. They gave each other the same framed picture and some other things, which they don’t show the camera.
Nathan, Stephanie and Donald don't get to say goodbye. It's cool. Don B and Stephanie have each other. And Nathan will soon be welcomed into the warm, non-judgmental embrace of Cincinnati.
Alexys: I met some people I will stay in touch with for the rest of my life and some that I won’t.
Unresolved items: Don B and Stephanie hooking up? Nathan coming out to DeGraff? Airing of Chris’s PSA? Alexys’s Mom hooking up with Johnny?
Don’t worry. The genius producers of this show are already recruiting for Season 2! So many more things to do in Cincinnati, right?
Thanks to everyone who stuck with me each week. And thanks to Daytons CW for producing a fun and highly mock-able show. See ya next season!