Monday, April 23, 2012

Thou Shalt Not Mock the Lord's Toilet Cake

Last Sunday we Presbyterians were celebrating a much-needed gutting and remodeling of our Lyndon Johnson-era church bathrooms. In addition to thanking the volunteers and quoting Matthew 15:17, we dedicated our new facilities to the Lord's doody duty.

Do you not yet understand,
that whatsoever enters in
at the mouth,
goes into the belly,
and is cast out into the sewer?

In celebration of this momentous occasion, a cake was procured. Since I have three children who often spend Sunday mornings running back and forth to the church bathroom, I sit in the back and was able to snap a mobile phone photo of the official toilet-seat decorated cake.


And then I Facebooked the Lord's toilet seat cake. In the Lord's house. On the Lord's day. And the Lord smote me and my phone of iniquity.

My phone is gone. As of Monday night we have looked in the house, the car and asked the church secretary to search the pews. The phone, which I last held in my hand in the sanctuary shortly after Facebooking, has vanished.

Thou shalt not Facebook the Lord's toilet cake. Nearly 48 hours with no phone is getting very close to hellfire and damnation. And now that I've also blogged the Lord's toilet seat cake, please join me in praying that my laptop doesn't burst into flames.

UPDATE: After seeing me suffering for four days, my mother the Sunday school teacher took matters into her own hands and found my phone hidden amongst the hymnals. Hallelujah!

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