Friday, October 29, 2010

Ten Things I'm 'Supposed' to Like, But Don't

There are things I'm supposed to like. How do I know? People tell us all the time what we're supposed to like (hint: the same things they do). Usually, I find out what I'm supposed to like after I've already announced I can't stand it and see the horrified reaction of some well-meaning family member or friend.

And let's face it, I can be a little contrary when it comes to following the crowd. Telling me I'm supposed to like something, is a sure-fire way to get me to research it for myself to see if I can find a good reason to give it a thumbs down. There are many things I do like that statistically I'm supposed to, including chocolate, my mini-van and Matthew McConaughey. But here's where things start to go wrong for me:

1. San Francisco - The coldest winter I ever knew was the summer I spent in San Francisco. I really can't stand San Francisco. Maybe it's the Ohio bumpkin in me but if I'm going to go to all the trouble to fly to California--then I want it to be warm, dammit. I have been to San Francisco in August and frozen my a** off. Of course, San Francisco is everyone's favorite place for its architecture and culture and blah, blah, blah. It's too damn cold.

2. Kittens - Let's just get this out of the way. I don't like cats. They give me the heebie jeebies. I wish I was allergic (or had started that lie a long time ago), so I could gracefully get away from your feline but the truth is I don't see any redeeming qualities in cats. If I told you I was going to invite a creature into my home that would urinate on the carpets, scratch my arms bloody, plus cost me thousands of dollars to feed and entertain--wouldn't you say I was an idiot. Don't tell me your cat is special. And unless you want me to go into dry heaves, don't show me photos of your cat on your phone or refer to yourself as its mommy.

3. Reality TV - Well, for all the enemies I just made with #2, I'll probably win some people back with this one. I don't watch Survivor, Amazing Race or any of the rest of them. I don't care what Ozzy Osbourne eats for breakfast and I care even less about Bruce Jenner's family issues. Unlike cat lovers, who are weird, I don't hold anything against you for liking Reality TV. I just don't join you.

4. The Ohio State University - Oh, boy. No cow is sacred with me. I am here to state publicly that I am not a Buckeye fan. Apparently, anyone with an Ohio drivers license and the opportunity to purchase a red t-shirt at Sears is automatically supposed to stay home every Saturday in the fall and support a university they've never visited--let alone attended. Husband went to OSU and I'm very happy to get out of the way and let him watch the game. But it just irks me when people just assume I would be a fan. Why? I went to Ohio University. In Athens. Also, it peeves me when local TV newscasters talk about OSU as if it were a hometown team. Do you know how many universities there are between here and Columbus?

5. Soccer - My two sons played soccer this year. I have never liked soccer and I don't think I ever will, however, I may have to learn to tolerate it since my nine year-old has already been told by a high school coach that he has a good foot, whatever that means.

6. Lettuce on a sandwich - This falls into the category of things you see so often that the only explanation is that you are expected to want it. I will eat a salad (not often enough) but I can't stand to eat lettuce on a sandwich or other non-salad food. Do you know how many business box lunches I've had to try and inconspicuously pick apart.Who made this rule? Am I the only person picking every shred of lettuce off their taco?

7. Crocs - I know they have more normal looking styles now but I have never been interested in sticking my foot into one of those shapeless plastic shoes. And yet people swear by them.

8. Cantaloupe and strawberries - Have you ever ordered a fruit cup? Why does every fruit cup come with one grape, one apple chunk and 50 pieces of tasteless cantaloupe. Is it cheap? Or are we expected to be delighted to see that much cantaloupe? Also, every summer of my childhood my family would be ecstatic to get their first bowl of fresh strawberries. Except for me. And then the you don't like strawberries?? would start. Really, no one could remember that.

9. iPod - I'm not really opposed to the device called iPod, I just don't need music piped into my ears all day. After the Walkman died down, people got along fine for several years without constantly listening to music. Now all the sudden, they are completely traumatized if they can't have music while they walk down the street. Hum.

10.Coffee - Why is it that the only free beverage offered in modern America is the one I don't like? Even water isn't free anymore.

Lest you think I'm a complete curmudgeon, I do like campfires, boat rides, baby pigs and baking chocolate cake from scratch.

But no matter how much we do like, society still has its expectations. What are you supposed to like but don't?

5 comments:

  1. Children whom I don't know (and some that I do) in large groups. Two qualifies as a large group. I am with you on 3, 4, 5, 7 and 9. Alas, I do have two cats -- but I love piglets so perhaps that will redeem me?

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  2. Oprah and kids--good ones. I also just thought of my serious aversion to pickles (WHY do restaurants insist on ruining half the food on my plate with pickle juice?) and 5K runs.

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  3. Dale StebbinsNovember 15, 2010

    Christmas. Too much money spent on gifts, too much decorating, too much stress, too many commercials, TOO MUCH!

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  4. OK, so I was about to stop reading after kittens, but then you said the magic words--you don't like lettuce on sandwiches! Me either, and you can't imagine the grief I get (or just maybe you can! Super!) from people who don't understand. I will pick off every shred of lettuce from a sandwich (Frischs burgers being the exception). I used to think that being an adult meant I had to eat my sandwich lettuce, then I realized that being an adult meant I could choose not to. Oh, and I can't stand soccer either. But I am mommy to 4 cats.

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