A Real Farm Wife

Farm wives are a special breed of women. And while I'm much closer to being one than the VAST majority of females in this nation, I'm not really sure I'm a genuine farm wife.

I have known a few REAL farm wives in my time. I'll compare myself to what I think of when I say "farm wife."

Household Vet
Farm Wife: Has conducted bloody operations on pigs/calves/lambs/chickens with needle and thread in her own kitchen.
Me: Are you kidding me? It's all I can do to allow husband to store his pig medication in the refrigerator in bottles--I make him use the veggie drawer.

Heavy Equipment
Farm Wife: Drives the tractor with hay baler, cause that's the girl job. Jumps off at noon to prepare fried chicken and potatoes for all the farm hands.
Me: I mowed the lawn once and reduced a six foot pine tree to toothpicks. Afterward, I decided to Shake and Bake some boneless breasts. Does that count?

Pooper Scooper
Farm Wife: Covers her hair with a kerchief, grabs a pitchfork and gets to work.
Me: I did fill MANY a manure spreader during my 4-H years, including the morning after my Prom (no, this wasn't even punishment, just the way my Dad did things) I have since retired my pitchfork.

Living off the Land
Farm Wife: Tends an enormous garden full of vegetables, which she cans and freezes to enjoy year-round. Raises chickens for eggs and has a freezer full of hamburger from the last steer she had processed.
Me: I like to eat a few tomatoes from the in-laws' garden but I hate chickens. I know most farm wives would shudder, but I buy all of my meat at the grocery.

In fairness, I am comparing myself to farm wives from a different generation who made wife and mother their career. I guess in this day and age of two-income families, a farmer is happy to be married to a woman with a 401K and occasional business trips to satisfy her need to travel further than than the end of the lane.

I think my husband appreciates all my attempts to help out on the farm. Like all the times I have looked out the window and said, "The cows are out. Who should I call?" Or the time I drove the truck and trailer during a long trip so he could nap--luckily he woke up just in time to help me cross four lanes of traffic and make our exit. I know husband will always remember fondly the time I filled out the paperwork for a litter of pigs and used his pet name for one of the boars--that we sold and had announced at multiple shows and sales afterward.

Maybe those weren't the best examples after all, but I know that I do try to be a good farm wife. What other kind of woman would still be around months after uttering this real, actual sentence to her spouse: Why does our lettuce smell like pig s&men?

Christmas Wrap-up

We had a nice Christmas. Santa was good to the kids, and the kids were satisfied that Santa and the reindeer were pleased with their snacks.


Easily, Morgan's favorite gift was the make-up set that Santa left her. We know that because she jumped up and down when she opened it and screeched MAKE-UP, MAKE-UP, MAKE-UP!

The boys, predictably, got tractors and farm sets, plus Carhart jackets for working outside.

Husband didn't get any farm toys but he did get a TV--that we have already managed to break. Me, I got Longaberger dishes, slippers, and a case of the heebie-jeebies that had me spending the next two days after Christmas in bed.

We're still in that post-holiday awkwardness, where we try to absorb new clothes, toys and other gifts into the household. Some things are still under the tree, right where we opened them. While other things, like little plastic pieces of toy fencing, have already made their way into every nook and cranny of the house--even the bathroom.

Christmas might be over but I have another big holiday to celebrate yet this month. Let me also give a shout-out to a fuzzy-headed nephew who, 20 years from now, is going to have the BEST time on New Years Eve.

'Twas the Night to Talk PR

I think it's a prerequisite to a career in journalism or communications that you attempt a parody of The Night Before Christmas, at least once. Fortunately for all you readers, this is not my year. BUT I am happy to share the link to a slightly bawdy PR version penned by Greg Brooks, a pal of the Bad Pitch Blog.

My favorite line:
Releases were sent to BizWire with great care
In hope that a journalist might be aware

Since Santa has already granted my most important professional wish this season, I have already started on my professional New Years resolution. (I'm not doing too well on my personal resolution yet. Those cafeteria paninis are too tempting!)

Anyway, this year I resolve to contact the media weekly with a quick, not-to-deep pitch. By not-too-deep, I mean something that doesn't require weeks of planning, discussion, strategizing and approval by top management (this used to be everything in previous roles I've had). For example, I pitched local TV this morning on the importance of using the holidays to gather your family medical history--and got our high-risk breast cancer page mentioned on air and linked on the station's Web site, and you can bet I'm going to measure Web traffic.

Obviously, I'll still work on strategic projects that require lots of planning, but I have to think that some of these quick hits will be just as beneficial.

So consider me born-again in my pursuit of media relations and measurement, just like Baby New Year. And speaking of Baby New Year, my hospital is going to win this year--if I have to grab some forceps at 12:01 myself.

Merry Christmas to all,
And to all, a good night.

Can't Have a Christmas Pageant Without the Owl

Our son was in his very first Christmas pageant at Church on Sunday. He was the wise owl who advised the mouse that going to Bethlehem would be "memorable." Except he couldn't say memorable, so the mouse was advised that traveling would be a "good experience."


Ryan is standing on the stool on the left. The mouse is on the right. Various chickens and shepherds wait in the background for their part. The cow got a little sour and didn't come--but the show must go on!


Little brother Justin proclaimed this the best play he ever saw.

This owl is not only wise but tough. Two days earlier he got a foot-long scrape on his stomach when a feisty pig jerked on the gate he was leaning on.

Only in small town America could the Christmas play possibly be derailed by a farm girl who couldn't moo and a kid with a pig fence injury.

Have a memorable Christmas.

Christmas Thru the Ages

Way back in 1980-something, I was ten-years-old (almost 11), my now island-dwelling brother was nine and little sister was four. Here we are in our PJs on Christmas morning.

Why does this matter? Oh, it doesn't, but I needed to include one of my own vintage photos before I could post my husband's very "groovy" ten-year-old Christmas image from 1970-something.
Here is my husband (on the right) and his younger brother. Don't you just love those haircuts? The quality of this photo is incredible! My husband's uncle originally had this as a slide and then used one of those new digital converters to put all his old slides online.

And look! He also captured a photo of this very hip 70s lady getting a stash of... something... for Christmas. She loves it.

These are homemade NOODLES, of course.

Fast forward to today when we took 2018's embarrassing Christmas photo. Ah, memories.

I Got a New Job

I toyed around with all sorts of clever ways to share this news but thought that just spitting it right out would be best: I have a new job.

The truth is that I have been looking for a job for the last few months after being laid off from my last employer. I enjoyed doing freelance communications work and the whole SAHM thing but knew that my goal was full-time employment.

I know that everyone who has been in this situation has been told a thousand times about the importance of networking, but let me be one thousand and one. I found my job by attending a free luncheon for people who were considering getting their APR accreditation. I wasn't even planning to pursue my APR but hey it was free lunch and I figured some top PR people would be there (I have since decided to get my APR).

A week or so later I got an email from a professional that I met at the lunch. She was leaving her job and the boss wanted to hire someone quickly to fill in as a freelancer until they could make a hire. I applied, worked hard as a freelancer, and you know the rest.

If you follow me on Twitter, you know my new job is at a hospital. I can't wait to get into it. I already have multiple important-looking badges and jangly keys and a pager! They are getting me a pager! I am going to be so official. And if I could look like Ellen Pompeo in scrubs, I would wear those too.

Seriously, I am very excited to be working in the healthcare industry right now and believe that there are many compelling and important stories to tell. I hope that others who are looking for a new position will have the good fortune to find a new opportunity at the intersection of determination and dumb luck.

Away in a Manger

The farmer was watching over his sows by night, waiting for them to give birth. When, lo, Miss appeared to be nesting and her heat lamps gave a great light.

And it came to be time for the infants to be born and Miss tried not to step on them and let them rest on a manger full of straw, because there was no room for them at the inn.

Later, after the birth, three wise men from Iowa came to offer gifts of cash, check or credit to the farmer.

The farmer pondered all these things in his heart, and planned for the day that these new pigs would shine at the State Fair. Amen.

Getting Ready for Santa & His Livestock

There's only one thing my kids like more than baking. And that's decorating with sprinkles. Not just any sprinkles; in addition to "regular" sprinkles we have some shaped like tiny cows and others shaped like tiny pigs.


Here they are applying a generous coat of icing to cookies shaped like rocking horses, snowmen or stars, and then dumping on a crunch-adding amount of sprinkles.

These are the perfect cookies to leave for Santa. I guess we'll have to make more since these are already gone!

All three of my kids are really looking forward to Christmas. Morgan's favorite song right now is Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I think she's a little worried that Santa will find out that she broke her Precious Moments figurine, smeared poop on the bed, used up her mother's face cream, and colored on the wall--and those are just yesterday's sins.

Justin made some reindeer food at preschool (oats and glitter) that is to be sprinkled on the lawn Christmas Eve. I bet he's the only kid in his class who will remember to go outside Christmas morning and see if the reindeer enjoyed their snack.

Only farm kids would consider food and water for the reindeer as much of a priority as Santa's cookies. Fortunately, we'll have cookies with the most sprinkles per square inch of any offered Christmas Eve. And we'll have reindeer food, a bucket of water and even carrots for Santa's herd. I just hope pigs like oats with glitter, you know, in case the reindeer don't eat them all.

Oh, Christmas Card ~ Oh, Christmas Card

Welcome to friends and family who got here via the address in our Christmas card. I hope you will make a habit of checking in often and leaving comments on the posts.



We also extend Christmas greetings to some new friends who we don't know in the world of mailboxes but only in the online space.

To our new visitors: please know that this blog has strict rules.

If this "Bacon" thing has you confused and/or you are new to reading blogs, check out a bit of introduction and select postings here.

Merry Birthday

On behalf of all of us celebrating our birthdays this month--in addition to celebrating that other holiday--I share the December Birthday Commandments. Send them to your friends and family.

I. Thou shalt not use Christmas wrapping paper on our gift, unless you would be happy with us using this candy cane paper on your gift in June.

II. Thou shalt not schedule a family Christmas on the day of a birthday. The December Birthday Convention of 1973 has granted an exception for birthdays on December 24 and 25 with the codicil that an appropriate birthday celebration be scheduled forthwith before the end of the calendar year.

III. Thou shalt not say This Christmas gift counts as your birthday gift too. Cheapskate.

IV. Thou shall expend a similar amount of planning and energy as is common to all family/friends birthdays, refraining from complaining about scheduling difficulties and the abundance of sweets this time of year.

V. Thou shalt not say Wow, it must be terrible to have a birthday around Christmas. We know.

VI. Thou shalt NEVER send a birthday card in the same envelope as a Christmas card or write "Happy Birthday" within a Christmas card.

VII. Thou shalt not use Holiday plates, napkins, cups or cutlery at a December birthday party.

VIII. Thou shall make every effort to give year-round gifts, knowing your friend/family member has but one opportunity to receive short-sleeved shirts or a new water ski.

IX. Thou shalt not place December birthday gifts under the Christmas tree.

X. Thou shalt refrain from baby-making activities in March.

UPDATE: Modern researchers say Jesus was actually born in June. Take that you summer birthday people!