Ten Things I'm 'Supposed' to Like, But Don't

There are things I'm supposed to like. How do I know? People tell us all the time what we're supposed to like (hint: the same things they do). Usually, I find out what I'm supposed to like after I've already announced I can't stand it and see the horrified reaction of some well-meaning family member or friend.

And let's face it, I can be a little contrary when it comes to following the crowd. Telling me I'm supposed to like something, is a sure-fire way to get me to research it for myself to see if I can find a good reason to give it a thumbs down. There are many things I do like that statistically I'm supposed to, including chocolate, my mini-van and Matthew McConaughey. But here's where things start to go wrong for me:

1. San Francisco - The coldest winter I ever knew was the summer I spent in San Francisco. I really can't stand San Francisco. Maybe it's the Ohio bumpkin in me but if I'm going to go to all the trouble to fly to California--then I want it to be warm, dammit. I have been to San Francisco in August and frozen my a** off. Of course, San Francisco is everyone's favorite place for its architecture and culture and blah, blah, blah. It's too damn cold.

2. Kittens - Let's just get this out of the way. I don't like cats. They give me the heebie jeebies. I wish I was allergic (or had started that lie a long time ago), so I could gracefully get away from your feline but the truth is I don't see any redeeming qualities in cats. If I told you I was going to invite a creature into my home that would urinate on the carpets, scratch my arms bloody, plus cost me thousands of dollars to feed and entertain--wouldn't you say I was an idiot. Don't tell me your cat is special. And unless you want me to go into dry heaves, don't show me photos of your cat on your phone or refer to yourself as its mommy.

3. Reality TV - Well, for all the enemies I just made with #2, I'll probably win some people back with this one. I don't watch Survivor, Amazing Race or any of the rest of them. I don't care what Ozzy Osbourne eats for breakfast and I care even less about Bruce Jenner's family issues. Unlike cat lovers, who are weird, I don't hold anything against you for liking Reality TV. I just don't join you.

4. The Ohio State University - Oh, boy. No cow is sacred with me. I am here to state publicly that I am not a Buckeye fan. Apparently, anyone with an Ohio drivers license and the opportunity to purchase a red t-shirt at Sears is automatically supposed to stay home every Saturday in the fall and support a university they've never visited--let alone attended. Husband went to OSU and I'm very happy to get out of the way and let him watch the game. But it just irks me when people just assume I would be a fan. Why? I went to Ohio University. In Athens. Also, it peeves me when local TV newscasters talk about OSU as if it were a hometown team. Do you know how many universities there are between here and Columbus?

5. Soccer - My two sons played soccer this year. I have never liked soccer and I don't think I ever will, however, I may have to learn to tolerate it since my nine year-old has already been told by a high school coach that he has a good foot, whatever that means.

6. Lettuce on a sandwich - This falls into the category of things you see so often that the only explanation is that you are expected to want it. I will eat a salad (not often enough) but I can't stand to eat lettuce on a sandwich or other non-salad food. Do you know how many business box lunches I've had to try and inconspicuously pick apart.Who made this rule? Am I the only person picking every shred of lettuce off their taco?

7. Crocs - I know they have more normal looking styles now but I have never been interested in sticking my foot into one of those shapeless plastic shoes. And yet people swear by them.

8. Cantaloupe and strawberries - Have you ever ordered a fruit cup? Why does every fruit cup come with one grape, one apple chunk and 50 pieces of tasteless cantaloupe. Is it cheap? Or are we expected to be delighted to see that much cantaloupe? Also, every summer of my childhood my family would be ecstatic to get their first bowl of fresh strawberries. Except for me. And then the you don't like strawberries?? would start. Really, no one could remember that.

9. iPod - I'm not really opposed to the device called iPod, I just don't need music piped into my ears all day. After the Walkman died down, people got along fine for several years without constantly listening to music. Now all the sudden, they are completely traumatized if they can't have music while they walk down the street. Hum.

10.Coffee - Why is it that the only free beverage offered in modern America is the one I don't like? Even water isn't free anymore.

Lest you think I'm a complete curmudgeon, I do like campfires, boat rides, baby pigs and baking chocolate cake from scratch.

But no matter how much we do like, society still has its expectations. What are you supposed to like but don't?

Dulces o travesura

Not since the John Deere tractor made of foam board have I been so proud of a Halloween costume. It's not any sort of domestic triumph, really, but Ryan's Chilean miner costume was fun to create.


Chilean miner costume

 Unfortunately, I could not convince Husband to scrounge enough materials around the farm to build me an escape capsule.

My little Justin adds his crooked smile to Batman this year. He said he is hoping to find some people to rescue from danger while he is out trick-or-treating.

Our little cowgirl loves her pony (named, Pony, oddly). Her cowgirl hat lights up. Or at least it did the day we bought it until the little cowgirl overused the switch. Now Husband can get it to work by tapping the hat. Fortunately, she can't tell if it's working or not when she wears it--so if you run into us this weekend, THE LIGHTS ARE ON--got it?

And remember, the Chilean miners were underground for 70 days. Any that stop by to trick-or-treat will need extra candy.

I can git the things

The toy catalogs have started rolling into our home. Stacks of them waiting for me every day in the unsorted mail. Yes, my mail is unsorted. We have a very long lane. Husband gets the mail every day and looks at it as he walks the whole way back (I've seen this.) but then, instead of dealing with the junk mail--even the stuff addressed to our former neighbor or Husband himself--he stacks it in the house for me (or the mail fairy, I suppose) to deal with. Between that and the piles upon piles of scribbled papers our children produce, I spend the first 20 minutes I arrive home every day just putting things in the trash.

But now the toy catalogs are in the mix. Fortunately, Justin and Morgan are stepping up. They have spent hours cutting up these catalogs and/or circling things within. Justin went so far as to make a book about all the things he wants to get for Christmas. This is the cover:



His book is appropriately titled I can git the things, by Justin Michael. Part of me twinges at the sense of entitlement but he's only 6 and this is a lot better than last year's Christmas list fiasco.



Of course the theme I can get the things dovetails nicely with Justin and Morgan's approach to Christmas list-making. It's not here are things I would like to have, it's here is something I will be getting--what is it?

The good news with this early start to list-making is that if they are making a list, Santa is too. I hope to ride the naughty or nice platform all the way to December 24. Let's hope poor Mrs. Claus doesn't get stuck sorting the mail.

Sign of the Farmpocalypse

Every issue of Sports Illustrated has a brief quote titled Sign of the Apocolypse, a humorous but true sports news item that makes you wonder--have we gone too far? In that spirit, I present another installment of Sign of the Farmpocalypse, because I just can't make this stuff up.

I have to give haircuts to pigs.
- Husband's excuse for missing his cousin's wedding this coming spring.

Grand Marshal

My mother-in-law--who does not possess a computer and will have to hear about this posting from her sister four states away--recently made us all proud. Last spring she retired after 30 years of teaching elementary students and this fall was given our small town's highest honor: she was asked to serve as grand marshal of the homecoming parade.

What a tribute to her and all the lives she's touched as a teacher.

I can't help but ponder my own career in comparison. What's the homecoming parade of my retirement? Will I end up as the grand marshal? When I think about it, my mother-in-law wasn't honored because she ran the best social studies lessons or had the best spelling tests, she was honored for caring about people, doing her job with pride and for going above and beyond in serving her "customers." Something to emulate.

The Normal Family's Guide to Disney

Our family just returned from a trip to Disney World and I have to say that after making three trips to Disney in the last 20 months (due to an unusual clumping of circumstances, including Husband's milestone birthday last year), we are becoming experts. I have a few tips to share--but if you're looking for breathless exclamations about how you should put $13.45 aside every week or take the park counter-clockwise and bring your own peanut butter sandwiches, then this is not the Disney advice blog for you.

My tips and observations are for normal families that even my less-than-normal family found useful:

• Tip - get the Disney Dining Plan. During the fall and maybe other off-peak times, Disney has been offering this for free. Let me tell you, if you can eat free at Disney, it's almost like you're losing money by not going on vacation. Even if you can't get the Dining Plan for free, you want it. The cost is reasonable and it saves you a bundle. Also, you can relax during your vacation and not fret that your kid only ate one nibble of the $12 meal you bought them for lunch.
• Observation - unfortunately, the prevalence of the Dining Plan has caused Disney to dumb down all of its menus. Almost all of the sit-down restaurants we visited offered only two choices of kids meal. Two main choices. The adult menus were limited too and we noticed that the food quality of one of our favorite places, Whispering Canyon, had dipped dramatically in just a year. That said, the Dining Plan is still worth it.
• Tip- Make dining reservations early. Reservations open 180 days ahead, so be sure to book your trip and your dining as soon as possible. Great character meals like the Crystal Palace, Cinderella's Castle, plus all the great EPCOT international places and everyplace in between take the Dining Plan. To maximize the plan, you'll want to make one sit-down dining reservation a day (or two one day and none the next). Waiting until you get there will cost you very long waits.
• Tip - Pack extra footwear. Enough about eating, let's talk about packing. Make sure you bring at least two pairs of shoes. Not a big issue for the ladies in the party, but also make sure your gym shoe wearing boys also have an extra pair of comfortable shoes. If (when) you get rained on, you'll want to have dry shoes to change into and with Florida's 94 percent humidity, it can take a while for shoes to dry.
• Tip - Pack a rain coat. Those ponchos they sell at the parks should say I arrived unprepared and now have to wear this thing until it stops raining. Count on getting caught in a rain shower. We bought Lands End rain jackets for the kids that fold into their own pocket. Husband and I got unlined jackets from LL Bean. Throw them in a bag and bring them with you if you even sense that it will rain. You'll be glad you did.
• Tip - Bring a stroller. If your kids are under the age of 18, then I really recommend bringing a stroller (actual age probably 10). Our six-year-old greatly benefited from his little sister's stroller and actually rode it as much as she did (yes, there was fighting). Even our nine-year-old was happy to jump in and get a break from walking. If you don't need the stroller, then just park it while you do some rides. People are very always parking strollers at Disney and I've never seen anyone mess with them--except the crow at Animal Kingdom stealing popcorn from a stroller.
• Observation - Kids will get cranky. I used to tsk, tsk parents whose kids acted terrible in public. From now on I will know: those kids are probably living on Starburst and chicken nuggets and had to eat after their bedtime the night before. At least that's what was wrong with our kids. I know that going to Disney is a significant investment, but just leave and go take a nap if everyone starts to lose it. You'll enjoy what you do see all the more.
• Tip - Avoid Captain EO like the plague. I could give a long list of our favorite attractions (Pirates of the Caribbean, Toy Story, It's Tough to be a Bug, Muppet 3-D Movie, Soarin') but I won't bore you with that. I will tell you that with much hype EPCOT brought back a chestnut from the 80s that had me wishing for the opportunity to knee George Lucas in the nuts. Don't waste your time on the Captain EO 3-D movie. OMG it was terrible. I may have to do a whole post on its terribleness later but in the meantime, trust me.

Whew, that 's enough tips. Enjoy some photos from our semi-normal family enjoying Disney: